Wow it hurts today

Every time I seem to pull it together, my eyes start flowing again. Wow I miss Scott!

I feel moments of exhilaration of the incredible experience he must be having right now, and other times it just seems like too much to comprehend that he's not here now.

I remember how much I missed Robert when he was on his mission, how much I cried when Dan left to the Marine Corps, how we looked forward to a letter marked with Brazilian postage from Jon... and man, it seems like missing Scott is just going to be a permanent part of me till I see him again, just the way it was with my other brothers' temporary absence.

Sarah and I decided when Scott was about 8 or 9, that we would try to simulate the experience of having a younger sibling for him. I took one of my dolls and got her dressed up. We told Scott he needed to take care of her. I played the voice of the doll, saying "I'm cold! I'm hungry!" Scott bustled about the house, getting everything for her that she wanted. After that, she whined and cried and said she needed something else. Scott rolled his eyes and sighed with this parental type of burden that he was enthusiastically taking up. He was really so caring; such a caring, comforting, accomodating person. Not just with my dolly, but there was never (absolutes are used often as a sign of admiration after some deaths, but really- NEVER) a time I told him about a problem that he couldn't stop and listen and offer a suggestion. I'll always be grateful for that.

~E